


Lost And Found

by NightHeda



Category: The 100 (TV), clexa - Fandom
Genre: CEO Lexa, Clarke plays Guitar, Clexa, F/F, Of course things are complicated, clexa au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-14
Updated: 2017-07-19
Packaged: 2018-12-02 02:07:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 18,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11499519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightHeda/pseuds/NightHeda
Summary: By coincidence, Clarke crosses Lexa's path. Or the other way around – but there's a tiny little problem.(Also, Raven and Octavia make sure to make encounters awkward.)Clexa AU. :)





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Reader, 
> 
> thanks for stopping by! :) This is an old one, and in case this story looks familiar – I've published it on Fanfiction.net but I'm moving my stuff to AO3 now.  
> Feel free to comment or leave Kudos, or discuss this story or other things with me on Instagram @ [clexa_hedas](http://www.instagram.com/clexa_hedas)!
> 
> Happy reading! :)

 

"Clarke, she's gone."

"Well yeah Raven, I noticed. I just don't want to accept it."

"Seriously Clarke, let her go."

"I can't just let her go, Raven. After everything, all the happy times? And the not so happy times where she was the most reassuring comfort I could get?"

"Thanks Clarke. Shove it into your best friend's face that I wasn't good enough in your times of need!" Raven playfully pouted.

"Ugh you know what I mean. Okay can we just... think of all the places she could have gone?"

"We already did that Clarke, like a hundred times." Raven rolled her eyes. "She's gone. Drink your beer and stop whining. Get used to the new situation. There's no way you're getting her back and you know it. Kinda."

"Yeah. It's hopeless. Fuck this shit. Fuck my life." Clarke resigned and drew her attention back to the bottle on the counter in front of her, that had remained almost untouched since they had entered the bar. She only looked up again when Octavia sat down on the barstool next to her a few minutes later, looking at her with pity in her eyes, then moving her gaze to Raven, who just shook her head.

"Clarke, I really don't want to be the ass here, but it's just a cat. And she's been gone for only two days, she probably just got lost but there's still a chance she comes back." She stated and waved at the barkeeper. "Three tequilas here? Thanks."

"O, seriously? Tequila? I can't get drunk, I have to go in a few anyway because I really need to–"

"Clarke, you're not gonna find that damn cat tonight, can you please just fuckin' relax now?" Octavia interrupted her with an already slightly annoyed voice.

"–work tomorrow." Clarke finished her sentence and Raven let out a laugh at the unexpected ending.

And then they got hammered.

 

* * *

 

Clarke woke up with a dull headache and her stomach felt incredibly sick. She groaned as she blindly fumbled around to find her alarm clock, the source of the piercing noise that would eventually make her head explode if she didn't manage to switch it off soon. _Goddamnit!_ She cursed and opened her eyes, noticing that the alarm clock was nowhere to be found.

"Wait a minute", she said to herself. "This is not my nightstand." She slowly sat herself up and let her gaze wander around the room. "This isn't my room either."

When she felt the body next to her shift slightly, her eyes widened and she slowly, slowly turned around. "Oh. God. This is not happening. Wha–Holy Lord, Raven! Thank God! Ffff–shit." Clarke exclaimed and immediately brought her hand to her head, since the sudden exclaim and its loudness sent a new wave of sharp pain through her brain.

"Griff, what the fuck." Raven turned her head towards Clarke but did not open her eyes.

"Sorry." Clarke paused for a moment, looking around the room once again, narrowing her eyes. "Rae?"

"What." Raven half–huffed into the pillow.

"Just out of curiosity... where are we?"

"What do you mean _where are we_? In bed. I probably don't even wanna know why it's the two of us. Can you switch that damn thing off now?"

"I wish I could. But there's nothing to switch off here."

Raven sighed and forced herself to wake up. When the realization of their surroundings hit her, she widened her eyes and mimicked Clarke's earlier motion, sitting herself up as well.

"Um." was all the woman said. They sat in silence for a minute or two, staring at the plain wall in front of them, then slowly turned their heads, staring at each other for a moment and burst out laughing.

"Why do nights with you always end up like this, Griff?" Raven laughed and let herself fall back onto the bed again.

Clarke snorted at her friend's comment and got up, determined to find the source of the nerve–recking sound. Just when she was about to open the room's door, it swung open and banged against the wall. Clarke was barely quick enough to jump back to not get hit.

"Octavia, God! You almost killed me."

"Sorry. But I brought you coffee!" Octavia happily exclaimed, holding up two cups. A bit too enthusiastically though, pouring half of the hot liquid over Clarke's top.

"Oouuch." Clarke said dryly, slowly pulling the top away from her slightly burnt skin.

Octavia laughed, "Whooops!", handed one cup to the blonde and the other one to Raven and then jumped onto the bed, almost causing another accident but Raven was quick enough to hold the cup over the edge of the bed, as far away from her as possible. "Octavia, seriously. What the fuck."

Clarke let out a small laugh. It wasn't the first time the three of them woke up in a stranger's apartment after a night of excessive drinking and it was always the same the next morning. Tired and hungover, dying for a cup of coffee. Only that Octavia didn't seem to be...

"O, where's your hangover?" Clarke narrowed her eyes.

"And where the fuck are we?" Raven added.

"Ummm I kinda, I don't know. But we're at Lincoln's."

"And who the fuck is Lincoln?" Clarke asked, her annoyance slightly growing.

"Lincoln is a... well we, he... and then... Lincoln." Octavia grinned.

Raven turned towards Clarke. "What's wrong with her? You think she turned deaf or retarded or something? Somehow she didn't understand your question." Clarke nodded.

Octavia rolled her eyes. "Lincoln is–" A tall tattooed and ripped guy appeared in the doorframe. "–that." Octavia finished.

Clarke and Raven remained silent, calmly sipping their coffee, looking at Lincoln expressionless yet expectingly. Octavia's one night stands were nothing unusual, but usually her night's company woke up in the girls' place, and this time it was the other way around. Yet Clarke and Raven managed to make Lincoln shift his weight slightly, obviously uncomfortable.

"Ugh guys, a little less awkward and a little more _Thank you for letting us stay here_?" Octavia broke the silence.

The two other women laughed and apologized to Lincoln, who was, they had to admit, not the sort of typical jerk that Octavia usually felt drawn to. He had prepared breakfast, which had caused the fire alarm to go off, as they found out, because he and Octavia had gotten... busy, and after a shower and a rather delicious breakfast, they had left the apartment, ready for the new day to start.


	2. Chapter 2

"Lincoln, the boss needs the documents in like an hour and you're telling me you haven't even started?" Anya exclaimed, half annoyed, half shocked.

"I had a busy night and if _the boss_ thinks it's legit to give me a six hours task yesterday _evening_ and expect me to have it finished at 9am today, sorry but then she can suck my dick."

Anya rolled her eyes. "I'm sure she'd love to, you handsome prick. Now get to work."

Lincoln sighed. He knew his colleague was right, he should have worked the night through. The CEO could be a pain in the ass but he also knew why that was. And he admired her for her hard work despite the difficult situation his boss was in, and had been for a while.

An hour later, he sighed and got up, grabbed the folder and made his way to the CEO's office. He knocked and waited.

"Come in."

As he entered the office, his boss was still on the phone but motioned for him to sit down on the chair on the other side of her desk.

"Sir, I do understand the risks but I can assure you that I will have my co–workers briefed." Lincoln smiled. He appreciated how she always used _co–workers_ instead of _employees._ It reached back to when she was simple staff as well. He shifted slightly in his seat and the woman immediately shot him an apologetic look and nodded, signifying the call would end soon.

"Mr. Wallace, I am just as concerned as you, but my word is all I can give you right now. You will have the numbers by the end of the d–... I know that this vagueness is not what you'd like to hea– Yes. Good day to you–" she rolled her eyes and checked her phone screen, noticing that the other one had already hung up, "too." She sighed and put her phone back on her desk, got up and made her way across the room to the coffee machine.

"I'm sorry you had to wait. Can I get you anything? Coffee, or a water maybe?" The woman said, her voice calm and friendly. Lincoln shook his head and shifted again. He was too nervous to confess his unfinished work.

"I..." he paused for a moment when the woman turned around, slightly raising her eyebrows, "the documents you wanted me to–" she shook her head, took the coffee cup and walked back to her desk.

"I just spoke to Mr. Wallace and told him his request was an impossible task and I explained that I have no interest in forcing my colleagues to work overnight. And I'd like to apologize to you, it was not my intention to ruin your private time. I–" Lincoln waved it off and his eyes slightly widened when he realized that he just shut his boss up, but the woman's lips formed a small smile and after a short moment, she continued, "assured him that he will have the papers this evening. That means you have the whole day to finish your work."

She got up from her chair and walked towards the door and Lincoln got the hint. He got up as well and followed her. Opening the door, she offered her hand, "Please let me know if you need anything, or if I can help." He nodded and accepted her handshake.

When the door closed behind him, he let out a long sigh. At least his boss was human after all.

 

* * *

 

Clarke opened the group chat with her best friends.

_**Clarke (2:39pm):** Bored af. Someone rescue me?_

_**Raven (2:39pm):** lol_

_**Octavia (2:42pm):** sameee! but lincoln called & asked me out! :P_

_**Clarke (2:43pm):** Yay! :)_

_**Raven (2:43pm):** lol_

_**Octavia (2:49pm):** ravennn -.-_

_**Raven (2:49pm):** yay._

_**Octavia (3:02pm):** much better! its like an official event thing of his company so u guys wanna come too? pleasee? 8pm friday_

_**Clarke (3:06pm):** Can't think of anything more exciting than going to an official event of a company on a Friday night. Should be fun, count me in. Rae?_

_**Raven (3:06pm):** k_

 

* * *

 

_Friday_

Octavia paced up and down through their apartment, while Raven and Clarke were lazily sitting on the couch, feet on the coffee table and a beer in their hands.

"What if his colleagues don't like me?"

Raven and Clarke looked at each other and rolled their eyes, then simultaneously took sip of their beers.

"O, it's your first date with Lincoln and you're worried that his colleagues don't like you? It's not like you have to ask them for their permission for a marriage." Raven stated dryly and Clarke nodded.

"Yeah I know but what if they don't like me?"

"Then they don't." Clarke stated dryly this time, and Raven nodded.

"Okay but... look he said some of them are nice and stuff but most of them are monsters and his boss is a bitch. Friendly but a total bitch."

"You don't have to marry his boss either, O."

"But– oh shit, it's 7:30 already! Why the fuck didn't you guys mention that?!" Octavia was close to a panic attack.

"We did." The other two women said at the same time and pinky linked each other, still looking at Octavia, who shook her head.

"You two are unbelievable."

 

* * *

 

They arrived at 8pm sharp, hurried inside the building and were met with a nervous looking Lincoln who greeted and then led the women into the huge aula where hundreds of people where standing in groups, chatting and laughing, some of them less drunk than others.

Lincoln introduced them to a few of the _cool people_ and then Clarke and Raven escaped to the bar, claiming they wanted to give the lovebirds some alone time, but mainly to get hammered. They could never reject free booze. Their conversation was interrupted an hour later when the audience gathered and melted into one huge clapping mass.

"There comes the devil", Raven laughed when the company's CEO entered the stage.

"She doesn't look so evil." Clarke noted, her eyes following the woman walking towards the microphone.

"She also doesn't look like the head of one of the country's biggest businesses." Raven replied and Clarke nodded. The brunette on the stage was wearing black skinny jeans, a light grey t–shirt with a print of what Clarke assumed was a band logo, and a black jacket, the sleeves pulled up. Her wavy long hair was loosely falling over her right shoulder and Clarke smirked when she noticed the woman's black combat boots. All in all, Clarke thought, the brunette looked stunning; one hand in her jeans' pocket, wearing a warm smile, as she patiently waited for the clapping to fade out.

" _Good evening, ladies and gentlemen."_ she began and Clarke's heart skipped a beat at the woman's soft voice.


	3. Chapter 3

After the speech found Clarke and Raven at the bar again.

"She doesn't even look so old. How old do you think she is?" Raven said, lazily leaning against the counter, watching the CEO answering some questions from the press in front of the stage, while Clarke stared into her beer on the bar.

"Don't know. 30 maybe?" The blonde shrugged.

"Mh." Raven replied and turned around, placing her forearms on the bar, just as Clarke and continued, "I wonder how she became the boss of this empire." Clarke nodded. They fell silent again, not bothering much about a conversation. In a way, their friendship was unique. They did not need an exciting conversation to enjoy themselves – something that drove Octavia to insanity every once in a while.

After a few minutes, Raven kicked Clarke's foot and nodded towards somewhere on Clarke's left side, so the blonde turned her head and spotted the _gorgeous devil_ , as Raven had called her during her speech, slowly sitting down on a barstool a few feet away. She looked tired, Clarke thought, exhausted almost, and she felt sorry for the woman who immediately smiled and politely greeted one of her employees who approached her the second the sat down. _Leave that lady alone already you idiot. Can't you see she needs a break?_ Clarke thought, furrowing her brows.

The bartender handed a Martini to the brunette who gratefully took it, and for a brief second, her eye met Clarke's.

The moment was over before Clarke could realize that her heartbeat had sped up and the blonde felt Raven lightly hitting the back of her head.

"Your gay is showing, Clarke."

"So what, she's hot."

"She's married." Raven grinned, raised her hand and tipped on her own ring finger.

Clarke turned around and spotted the thin silver ring. It was beautiful, Clarke thought. _Classic but unique._

"Of course she's married. She's gorgeous. She's the head of _Grounders Corp._ at 30ish, or younger and she seems to be super polite."

Raven shook her head.

"What, Raven." Clarke rolled her eyes.

"You're so gay."

 

* * *

 

Octavia and Lincoln had excused themselves half an hour later but Clarke and Raven decided to stay for another while. _"We're not going anywhere. I mean, free booze, guys!"_ as Raven had stated.

Since Raven had stopped smoking several months ago, Clarke went out alone. The cold night air sent a light shiver over Clarke's skin but she enjoyed it, since the alcohol was beginning to slightly cloud her mind. She pulled out her phone and checked the clock while she walked down the few steps in front of the building and then leaned against the railing, lighting the cigarette that was already between her lips.

She pocketed her phone and took a deep drag and then almost jumped when she noticed the other person sitting a few feet away from her on the stairs, forearms laying on knees, fingers lazily intertwined.

"OH my God! You scared the shit outta me!" Clarke laughed, still in shock though. Then she realized who the person was.

"Sorry about my language." she said, pushed herself off the railing and walked towards the brunette whose lips were now forming a warm smile, and sat down next to her.

"I'm sorry for scaring you."

Clarke waved it off. "It's totally fine, don't worry. Just didn't expect anyone creeping around here. I mean... sitting on the stairs." she laughed and took another drag. Noticing that she was being watched, she turned her head and was met with green eyes. _Holy shit._ She thought to herself. She hadn't paid real attention to the other woman before but now she felt herself already getting lost in the deepest and warmest eyes she had probably ever seen. She furrowed her brow when the brunette narrowed her eyes.

"I'm sorry, do you work here?" The brunette asked, her voice sounding slightly confused but still warm and friendly and continued, when she noticed Clarke raising her eyebrows questioningly, "It's just that I've never seen you before and I was wondering if you're new or I was blind or–"

"Nope, neither, I've never even been here before." Clarke replied with a smirk and the brunette smiled and nodded but something about it bothered Clarke. "What is it?"

The other woman let out a small laugh under her breath while dropping her head for a second, before looking back at Clarke. "This is a company–internal event with no guests allowed." she explained and Clarke's eyes widened as she blushed.

"Shit, really? We had no idea. Lincoln– I mean a guy who works here invited us and we thought it's totally okay. Do you want us to leave?" Clarke began to ramble and relaxed a little when she saw the other woman shake her head, her lips again forming a small but warm smile and Clarke couldn't stop herself from looking at the brunette's full lips. She quickly bit the inside of her cheek and looked back at the woman's eyes.

"Stay as long as you like. I'm afraid I have to go back inside now." she said and got up, and Clarke followed the movement.

"Thanks! Really." the blonde smiled and offered her hand, "It was nice to meet you, Mrs..."

"Lexa." The brunette said while she accepted the handshake.

Clarke hesitated for a moment when she realized she was shaking hands with the CEO of _Grounders Corp._ who just introduced herself with her first name, but then again, outside here, she was just a woman, so Clarke relaxed, "Nice to meet you, Lexa. I'm Clarke."

Lexa nodded, "Nice to meet you too, Clarke. I hope you have a pleasant evening."

She then went up the stairs and pulled the door open, but turned her head back to Clarke to send her a last small smile, before she disappeared into the building.

 

* * *

 

"Jesus Griff, what took you so long?" Raven whined playfully as she grabbed her new beer from the counter and took a large sip.

"I met Lexa."

"Cool name. What's she like?"

"She's... nice. Very friendly with stunning eyes." Clarke smiled, a bit wider than she intended and Raven narrowed her eyes in suspicion but didn't say anything. When Clarke raised her beer towards someone behind Raven, she curiously turned around though and her jaw dropped when she realized it was meant for the brunette CEO who smiled and nodded back at Clarke, then drew her attention back to one of her employees.

"Clarke what the hell, you can't flirt with her! She's the boss!" Raven whispered, half–shocked, half–amused.

"She has stunning eyes."

"Oh shit."


	4. Chapter 4

The next day, Clarke woke up early although she and Raven had left the event far past midnight. She got up, grabbed some comfortable Saturday–clothes and made her way to the bathroom to get a shower.

Suddenly, Raven appeared and sneaked into the bathroom before Clarke could react.

"Seriously, Rae?"

"Sorry Griff! Oh and coffee would be nice when I get out!" Raven grinned and Clarke rolled her eyes but walked into the kitchen and started the coffee machine.

Raven finished her shower just in time for the coffee to be ready and as Clarke poured them both a cup, Octavia entered the apartment, pointed at the cups and sent Clarke a thumbs up; Clarke's sign to fill a third cup.

The three of them let themselves simultaneously fall onto the couch and sighed.

"Successful night, O?" Raven grinned and took a large sip, while Octavia buried her face in her hands for a second to hide the dark red shade of her cheeks but then nodded, smiling like a child on Christmas.

"He's so cool and hot and sweet and... oh my God!" the women laughed. "How long did you stay?"

"Oh a few hours actually. Free booze, told ya." Raven smirked and then quickly added "oh and Clarke met someone."

Octavia's eyes widened and she sat herself up. "Whaat no way! Who?"

Before Clarke could answer, or state that she had no interest in answering, Raven jumped in– "Lincoln's married boss."

"Shut up! Really? The bitch?"

"Yup!" Raven grinned.

"Ugh I just talked to her, nothing going on. Nothing did and nothing will happen!" Clarke exclaimed and got up, "I'm gonna take a shower. Excuse me, ladies." She grabbed her clothes and loudly closed the bathroom door.

"She's totally into her." Raven said dryly and Octavia nodded.

"Yup."

 

* * *

 

They spent the day hanging around on their couch, binge–watching _How I Met Your Mother_ , when later in the afternoon, they heard a knock on the door. Clarke's and Octavia's index fingers immediately shot up to their noses, indicating they wouldn't answer the door.

Raven sighed and got up. "We don't buy shit." she said in an annoyed tone when she opened the door.

A rather confused mailman cleared his throat. "Um, delivery for..." he checked the name on his paper again, "Clarke Griffin?"

"That's me" Clarke yelled across the apartment and waved at him, not showing any sign of getting up anytime soon though. Visibly uncomfortable, he stepped into their apartment and handed Clarke a package.

"Thanks Mr.–" she checked his name badge, "Jake."

"You're welcome, have a– a nice evening." he stuttered and blushed and left the apartment as quickly as possible.

"Aww how cute he was!" Octavia said and Raven shot her a glare. "O, you're practically taken! Shut up." they turned towards Clarke. "What's that?"

"Don't know, didn't order anything." Clarke shrugged and opened the package. "Oh. Cookies."

"A lot of them." Raven added and Clarke pulled out a note while Octavia quickly got up to read it, too.

_Sweetheart,_

_I hope you enjoy the cookies._ _Marcus and I would love to hear how you are and what_ _you've been up to the past months. Remember that you're_ _always welcome here._

_Love, Mom._

_PS: Say Hi to Raven and Octavia._

"Awww I swear your mom is the cutest!" Octavia smiled, and Raven rolled her eyes while grabbing a cookie.

"Seriously O, you're absolutely annoying when you're in love. I wonder how Lincoln handles that."

"Aww–" Octavia started again but was shut up when Raven stuffed a cookie into her open mouth.

A minute later, it knocked again. Octavia, who was still standing, still busy with a whole cookie in her mouth, nodded "mmgoing!"

When she opened the door, she stopped chewing.

"Hello, I'm–"

"Mleksha!" Octavia exclaimed with a full mouth and Raven chuckled about an obviously startled Clarke.

"Yes... I'm sorry, do we know each other?"

"Mmnope."

"Okay..." Lexa was visibly confused, "I found this cat and it had your address on its collar and–"

"LUCKY!" Clarke yelled and jumped up, running towards the door and almost crashed into Lexa who was holding her cat.

Lexa raised her eyebrows, "Clarke?"

"Ohhh my God I missed you so so much!" She exclaimed and immediately blushed when she noticed Lexa's one–sided smirk, so she quickly stretched out her arms and Lexa carefully handed her the cat.

"Thank you so, so much!" Clarke smiled happily and looked at Lucky. "Oh my God, I thought I'd never see you again, poo!" The cat, visibly annoyed by all the petting, mewed and squirmed and Clarke quickly set her down.

"Sorry, I just... she ran away a few days ago and... wanna come in?"

Octavia and Raven, who had joined them, expectingly crossed their arms and Lexa smiled, well aware of the gestures, but her eye never left the blonde's, and Clarke already sensed the kind of the brunette's answer.

"I'm afraid I can't, I have an appointment at–" she checked her watch, "ten minutes ago. But maybe another time?" She asked, wearing a somewhat apologetic look.

"Sure! Another time. Have fun at your appointment!" Clarke smiled.

"I'll try," Lexa smiled back, "See you... another time then."

"Byyeee Lexaa!" Octavia and Raven waved and grinned.

Clarke closed the door and glared at her friends, who turned their heads to face each other.

"Yep, totally into her."


	5. Chapter 5

Days went by, some slowly, some fast, some were boring and some were exhausting, but they all had one thing in common; Clarke was thinking about Lexa.

She was thinking about long wavy hair, she was thinking about that warm smile on full lips, she was thinking about deep green eyes that held something Clarke couldn't name, and she was thinking about her voice. That soft, calm, warm voice.

She was staring into her coffee when Raven entered their apartment.

"Ugh Clarke, again? Stop thinking about her or call her!"

Clarke rolled her eyes. "I'm not thinking about her."

"Yeah right, keep telling yourself that but I know better." She sighed and sat down next to the blonde. "I know you, Clarke. Of course you think about her. I don't even blame you, she's stunning."

Clarke dropped her head on her crossed arms on the table. "She is. And you know what else she is?"

"No?"

"Married."

Raven hesitated for a moment. "Yeah, _that_ she is. Probably."

Clarke raised her head, "What do you mean _probably_?"

"Well we just assumed, right?" Raven smiled and took Clarke's coffee since the blonde didn't seem to be aware that she actually had it in the first place. Clarke silently nodded.

"Right.", Raven continued. "So unless you want to live with that assumption for the rest of your life... and probably miss out some damn hot s–"

"Raven!"

"–ssssuper cute um, chick, I suggest you call her. And don't say you can't because you 'don't have her number'. Lincoln has it, and Google probably has it, too."

And with that, Raven got up, ruffled the blonde's mane and disappeared into her room.

Clarke sighed and grabbed her phone. Raven was right. Even if Lexa was married, she at least wanted to get to know the brunette. And why not as friends? She googled and immediately found the office number. She hesitated for a moment and hit _call._

" _Good afternoon, thank you for calling Grounders Corporation. This is Anya Oak, how may I help you?"_

Clarke gulped. She had expected Lexa to answer the phone but then again, she was calling, well, _Lexa_.

" _I'm sorry, I– wanted to speak with... Lexa?"_

" _I'm sorry, Mrs Woods is not available at the moment. Would you like to leave her a message?"_

Clarke noted the _Mrs_ and nodded, almost defeatedly. _"No thanks um, it's fine. I'll just try later. Thanks."_

" _You're welcome, Miss. Have a nice–"_

" _Wait–"_ Clarke blurted out before she knew what she was doing, and paused for a moment, secretly facepalming herself. _"Actually, I'd like to leave her a message. Just tell her I said Thanks."_

" _No problem. I'm sorry, I think I missed your name?"_

" _Clarke."_

" _Claarrke..."_ the other woman drew her name, waiting for Clarke to offer her a last name.

" _Just Clarke is fine."_

" _Okay... Clarke. Have a– I'm sorry, would you please hold the line?"_ Clarke heard some rustling and mumbling and nervously drew random patterns on the table with her index finger.

" _Miss?"_

" _Here"_

" _Mrs Woods is actually available now. Please hold while I connect."_

"Shit." Clarke said when the line went silent for a moment. She had no idea what to say, now that she knew that Lexa was married. Pick up lines and flirting were absolutely inappropriate. The things she was best at. She sighed.

" _Clarke?"_

" _Lexa, hey! I um– how are you?"_

" _Thank you, I'm looking forward to calling it a day. How are you?"_

" _Yeah I'm good I guess."_ She paused, unsure how to proceed and Lexa waited patiently. _Fuck it._ She thought.

" _Any plans for after work?"_

" _Yes, actually–"_

" _Oh okay."_ Clarke interfered.

" _... but I could use some help with that, in case that was your question."_ Clarke heard Lexa laugh and closed her eyes for a second at the sweet sound of it, and then blushed when she realized what Lexa had actually said.

" _I really don't want to bother you, I just thought we could, I don't know, have a beer or something?"_

" _Beer sounds good. Since I know where you live, I could pick you up?"_

" _Sure! Ready when you are."_ She paused for a moment, taking in the sound of another sweet laughter, _"See ya later then."_

" _Bye, Clarke."_ Lexa said in a soft voice and hung up.

"Okay, that was the most awkward phone call ever." Raven laughed, leaning against her doorframe, arms crossed. "But hey, looks like you have a date!"

"Yeah, I guess I do. With _Mrs_ Woods." Clarke replied and resignedly dropped her head back onto her arms.

 

* * *

 

It was half past eight when Lexa knocked on the door.

" _Got it!"_ Raven yelled through the apartment.

 _Shit! Noooo no no no no!_ Clarke cursed and almost tripped over the lashes of the one shoe she had managed to put on. If there was anything she did not want to happen, it was Raven opening the door to Lexa. She quickly grabbed the second shoe and stumbled towards the door.

"No Rae, it's fine! I'm ready. Just... go away, thanks!" Clarke begged and Raven grinned and nodded, but was absolutely not planning on going anywhere. Clarke sighed and opened the door.

"Heeyyy..." she started but the rest of the greeting wouldn't come out. Clarke's brain simply stopped working. Although Lexa was just wearing dark grey skinny jeans and a white blouse, sleeves pulled up, she looked beautiful and there was nothing Clarke could do to regain control over her body and thoughts.

"Lexa! I'm Raven. Nice to meet you, finally... again... officially, I don't know." Raven grinned and stretched out her arm, offering a handshake which Lexa accepted, but not without slightly raising a brow.

"You too. You're Clarke's... friend from the event, right?"

Raven nodded and after Clarke knew how to move and speak again, she quickly grabbed her keys and half–pushed Lexa towards the stairs.

"Sorry about Raven, she can be a total pain in the ass sometimes." The blonde said when they left the apartment building and walked towards the parking lots. The brunette smirked but didn't reply anything, instead pressed a button on her car key and Clarke's eyes wandered around, searching for the blinking and unlock sounds. She was rather surprised to see that it was a white Scirocco, instead of maybe a Lamborghini or any other overly expensive car that she assumed other CEOs would drive.

Lexa opened the passenger door for Clarke and the blonde climbed in. Inside, the smell of the new car mixed with mint and decent perfume and Clarke loved it.

"Where are we actually going?" She asked after a while, realizing they were leaving the city.

"Surprise." Lexa replied and winked at Clarke, then focused on the street again as they drove into the night.


	6. Chapter 6

They arrived half an hour later and as Clarke noticed Lexa slowing down, turning onto a small forest road, she finally relaxed. She'd been having the hardest time keeping her eyes away from the brunette. She was glad she had at least a last small bit of self–control, otherwise she wouldn't have been able to stop staring, but she didn't want to look like a total creep on their first... meeting.

Lexa parked and switched off the engine, climbed out of the car and quickly made her way around to open the passenger door.

"Here we are." She smiled, and then walked towards the cottage with stone walls and a small porch, all in all tiny enough to remind Clarke of romantic Christmas movies. She tried to picture the small house in the forest surrounded and covered in snow, and the winter–wonderland image in her head was perfect. She smiled and then followed Lexa inside.

The interior was simple but homey, a perfect mix of modernity and coziness. Absently, Clarke slowly walked towards the living room and looked around. It wasn't big, but she loved it. There was a white couch and a small coffee table, a fireplace with a white fur rug in front of it, and the walls covered with bookshelves.

" _Would you like some wine?"_ She heard Lexa ask, maybe from the kitchen.

"Mmmhh" she answered, quietly enough for Lexa not to hear. She walked towards one shelf that had some photos placed in front of the books. Some showed nature. An old bridge, a wooden path, a sunset, some were black and white. Some other photos showed people. Lexa, as Clarke noticed, was in many of them, as well as a man and another woman. She smiled. They looked happy.

"Clarke?"

"Hm?"

"Wine?"

"Sorry, didn't I answer? Wine would be nice... how long have you been standing there?"

"A moment or two." Lexa smiled and disappeared, to come back a moment later with two glasses and a bottle of red wine. Clarke did not notice the look on Lexa's face. She did not notice the soft smile and she did not notice the calmness in her eyes, mixed with a hint of melancholia.

The blonde was drawn back to reality when Lexa approached her, handing her a glass of wine.

"Would you like to see the rest of the house?" Clarke smiled and nodded, slowly following Lexa upstairs.

The second floor was even smaller because of the balcony outside of the sleeping area. The double bed stood next to one wall, a small desk at the other. There was a framed photograph above it, black and white, showing a beach and an ocean with a mostly cloudy sky.

The bathroom was small but big enough to fit a bathtub in.

"So what are we doing here? And where are we actually?" Clarke wondered after a small while.

"That's my... home. Sometimes. There's another room I'll show you in a second, and I wanted to... clean it today. You don't have to help, you can just sit there and enjoy your wine." She paused and looked at Clarke who, if she hadn't known the other woman was married, could have sworn that they had a _moment_. But she knew better and it was over way too soon anyway, when Lexa took in a sharp breath and continued, "I'll just change real quick, this blouse is probably the most uncomfortable piece of clothing I own. I don't know why I bought it in the first place." She laughed, grabbed a shirt and disappeared into the bathroom.

Clarke sat down on the bed and let her eyes wander around once more, until her eyes rested on a mirror. The bathroom mirror. The bathroom mirror that offered full sight of Lexa. Clarke wanted to look away, she really did. But she couldn't. She watched as Lexa raked her fingers through her hair. She watched as Lexa unbuttoned her blouse. She watched as Lexa quickly pulled her top over her head. She watched as beautifully defined muscles moved around the tattoo on the brunette's back. She watched firm abs and small but perfectly shaped breasts in a black bra disappear as Lexa pulled a washed–out band t–shirt down. And she watched as Lexa closed her eyes for a long moment, letting out a slow sigh.

She was quick enough to draw her glance away, just in time before Lexa stepped out of the bathroom.

"Much better." She smiled and motioned for Clarke to follow her. They went down to the basement that Clarke hadn't even noticed was there, and halfway on the stairs, Lexa stopped. She seemed to hesitate for a second but then got going again. Clarke slightly furrowed her brows but remained silent.

When they arrived at the basement, Clarke stopped in her motions. It looked like a hobby room or something similar. Apparently, the person who used it, played the guitar and some percussion instruments, and seemed to be some kind of a photographer and artist.

The sight made her gulp though. Two guitars were smashed on the ground, an easel was broken, too. Hundreds of papers and photos were spread everywhere, and there were several holes in the walls, big enough for a fist to fit in.

"Watch your steps, please." Lexa said after a long moment of letting Clarke get somewhat used to the chaos. The blonde looked down and noticed uncountable pieces of glass that led her gaze towards a small bar that once, as she assumed, held the bottles that were now all over the floor, broken. Like someone threw them around.

Clarke wanted to ask, but she just couldn't. Whatever had happened here, it was none of her business.

Lexa pointed at a small couch behind them. "You can sit there and drink your wine and, maybe tell me a story while I clean up this mess?" She smiled but it did not convince Clarke.

"I can also tell you a story while I collect the shards." The brunette smiled and nodded and then disappeared upstairs to get some tools. When she came back, she handed Clarke a trash bag, some gloves and a hand brush and smirked. "Let's hear a story then!"

Clarke snorted. "Once upon a time..." she began as she kneeled and collected the first shards of glass, purposefully ignoring Lexa's raised eyebrow, "there was an enchanted forest, filled with–"

"–all the classic characters we love." Lexa finished and Clarke's head shot up. "No way!"

They fell silent after that, focusing on their cleaning tasks. Clarke tried to not look at the photos, instead carefully placed the instruments, or what was left of some of them, back on their stands and shelves. Every once in a while, her eyes met Lexa's and they smiled at each other, but Clarke noticed the _something_ in deep green eyes.


	7. Chapter 7

"Can I ask you a question?" Clarke asked and took another sip of her wine. The third glass. She was sitting on the couch in the living room, while Lexa was kneeling in front of the fireplace, lighting the logs.

It had taken them two hours to clear the basement room which, beside a few random questions and comments, they had done in silence.

"Of course." Lexa answered, still focusing on the fireplace but Clarke could hear the small smile.

"How old are you?"

"Twenty–seven." A long moment passed until the brunette stopped in her motions and turned her head around to look at Clarke. "Why?"

"Just curious." The blonde replied but knew that it would not convince Lexa. The other woman, however, didn't say anything, she calmly kept looking in her eyes. Clarke sighed, "It's just that... you lead a whole huge company and you're married and it... I don't know, I was just wondering."

The brunette slightly narrowed her eyes and Clarke, after hesitating for a moment, continued. "How did you manage to get into the position of leading such a huge company at the age of twenty–seven?"

Lexa, still looking at her, blinked a few times, then turned her head back around to check the fireplace, which now was properly burning, and then got up, took her wine glass and sat down next to Clarke.

"I didn't _manage_ to get into that position. After graduating from university, I was planning on working at the company for a bit, but in another position. So I applied, got the job and started working at, well, the bottom. My plan was to gain some experience and then move on to another company or maybe do something else completely."

Clarke noticed the slight change in the brunette's voice. "I assume _after university_ is a while already now?" Lexa nodded and Clarke slowly continued, "Okay so... why didn't you move on to another company, or did something else?"

"Well... It was my dad's company. And now it's mine." Lexa said quietly, trying to keep her voice firm.

Clarke slightly turned her head away and focused on the rim of her glass. She understood exactly what Lexa had just told her and she felt sorry for being so nosy. She had only known the woman for a few days, she had never really talked to her, and now she was sitting in her living room, asking way too personal questions. They sat in silence for some minutes, until Lexa spoke again.

"How old are you?"

"Twenty–six." the blonde answered but sensed that Lexa wanted to know a bit more about her but didn't ask, maybe out of respect of privacy, maybe afraid of asking wrong questions, so she continued.

"Exceptionally failing artist, dropped out of college, coffee addict, I tend to wake up in weird places with my two best friends because we like to have our drinking levels slightly over the top... Yeah. That's me."

Lexa let out a small laugh and Clarke's heart melted. _Why is it that even such a little thing makes me feel like a fuckin' smitten teenager?_ She thought to herself. _Everything about this situation is wrong, Clarke. You're in her place and you invaded her privacy, she's married and you keep falling for– oh shit. I'm not falling for her, am I? God, Clarke, what the fuck?!_

"Can I ask you a question, too?" Lexa said calmly, wearing a small smile.

"Of course."

"What are you thinking about?"

Clarke's breathing stopped. That question had caught her off guard. Whatever the honest answer to that question was, it would give away either her thoughts or her feelings. She considered her words and turned her head towards Lexa.

"I'm sorry for... everything today. For calling you, for inviting myself in, for invading your space, for asking you these personal questions, and for... everything else."

"You know," Lexa began after a moment, softly brushing her thumb over her wineglass, "sometimes I wonder why things happen as they happen." Her glance was still directed towards her glass, but her lips slowly formed a small smile as she continued, "And how unusual situations sometimes don't feel weird or wrong. If that makes sense." She let out a half laugh under her breath.

"It does actually." Clarke replied. Their eyes met and for a long moment, there was nothing else but them.

Clarke was the first to draw her gaze away, "I should go."

 

* * *

 

"Clarkyclarke! How did your date go?" A grinning Raven yelled across the apartment when Clarke opened the door. The blonde however didn't even bother to answer and went straight to her room instead. She sighed and sat down on her desk chair. A few moments later, she heard a soft knock on her door.

"Clarke?"

"Hm."

"Can I come in?"

"Hm."

The door slowly opened and Raven, hesitatingly, walked towards Clarke and kneeled down in front of her friend, gently laying her hands on the blonde's knees.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"Not really." Clarke answered, raised her eye to Raven's and sighed. "I like her."

"I know."

"I mean I really like her, I think."

Raven nodded. "I know..."


	8. Chapter 8

_**Unknown Number (4:29am):** I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. Lexa_

Clarke yawned and grabbed her phone. She hadn't been able to get any sleep and was quite relieved when she heard her phone buzz, happy to get some distraction. Her enthusiasm faded as quickly as it had come though, when she read the message. She really wanted to answer, and at the same time, she really didn't. _Why did she say that? Why is she awake? Why does she care?_ She sighed and opted for a dry answer that wouldn't give anything away.

_**Clarke (4:32am):** Don't worry about it_

_**Lexa (4:32am):** Why are you awake?_

She closed her eyes. _Because I can't stop thinking about you, because I want to get to know you, because I want to look into your eyes right now, because I want you by my side right now._

 **_Clarke (4:34am):_ ** _Don't know, probably the effects of my caffeine addiction. ;) Could ask you the same thing though?_

Clarke released a breath she hadn't realized she was holding and waited for another few minutes for Lexa's answer but her phone stayed silent. _Fuck this shit._ She thought, put her phone back on the nightstand and turned around, ready for the sleep that she knew wouldn't come.

Just when she was about to get up to start the coffee machine and take a shower, her phone buzzed again.

 **_Lexa (4:52am):_ ** _Similar reasons, I'd say._

Clarke furrowed her brows. _What's that supposed to mean now?_ Since she could not tell what Lexa meant, because the way the other woman had written the message just did not fit with the caffeine joke, she decided innocently playing along would be the safest.

_**Clarke (4:54am):** I was just about to get up and make some coffee. I hope it needs me just as much as I need it._

_**Lexa (4:55am):** I'm sure it does._

_**Clarke (4:57am):** Maybe you should feed your addiction, too ;)_

_**Lexa (5:02am):** Maybe I should._

Clarke laughed, her original intention of using a metaphor was long forgotten. She padded to the kitchen and brought the coffee machine to life. After a long shower as a pathetic attempt to empty her mind, Clarke grabbed her coffee cup and sat down on one of the kitchen chairs. She almost jumped, when her phone buzzed again.

_**Lexa (5:32am):** Would you bear me company for breakfast?_

"Why do you look like someone killed your cat?"

"Who killed my cat?" Clarke asked absentmindedly and raised her head to look at Raven who was leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed and brows furrowed.

"Clarke..." she said softly, walked to the blonde and sat down on the other side of the table. "What is going on...?"

Clarke shook her head. "I can't have breakfast with her."

"Ummm..."

Clarke raised her eyebrows in shock and repeated herself. "I _can't_ have _breakfast_ with her!"

"Forgive me if I'm not following you here, but... what?"

"I just realized something. Hang on." The blonde rambled and grabbed her phone.

_**Clarke (6:02am):** I can't, sorry._

"Claarrkee..."

"I think she just asked me out and, nope, not gonna happen! I'm not gonna be her fling!"

"Call me crazy but I think you're stupid." Raven sighed and got up to get a coffee as well. "Seriously Clarke, what the fuck. _Go_ and have breakfast with her!"

"Absolutely not!"

"It's – just – breakfast!"

"Raven. It's not _just breakf–_ " Clarke started to protest but was shut up when her phone went off. "Fuck, Raven, she's calling! What do I do?"

Raven gestured for Clarke to answer the phone in a _Duh–_ manner and Clarke shook her head with wide eyes, as if they were scared that Lexa could hear anything they said. Clarke's heart was racing when she moved her finger towards the _Answer_ button and squeezed her eyes closed.

" _Hey."_

" _Clarke, I–"_

" _I'm sorry, I just don't have time today, so um... breakfast another time?"_ Clarke interrupted the other woman, who stayed silent for a moment and Clarke was afraid she would faint from the anxiety that washed over her when she heard Lexa slowly breathing out.

" _This is not about breakfast, Clarke."_

Clarke's eyes widened as she looked at Raven and she began to shake her head as fast as she could. She was afraid of what was about to come. She was afraid of what Lexa could say, and of what it could mean. She did not want to hear the next words. She did not want to hear Lexa say that she could not do whatever it was that they were doing, or could be about to do in the future. She did not want Lexa to end something that had not even started.

" _Clarke?"_

" _Here."_ The blonde answered, fully aware of her cracking voice.

" _I would like to explain something. So..."_ she sharply breathed in and hold it for a moment, then continued, _"whenever you have time–"_

Raven rolled her eyes and took Clarke's phone. _"She'll be waiting in front of the Ark café in an hour."_ She ended the call without giving Lexa any chance to reply and looked at a wax–pale Clarke.

"What! Whatever is going on, you guys need to talk about it. I can't stand to see my best friend like that any longer!"

 

* * *

 

Clarke was shaking. She wasn't sure whether it was of the cold December rain, or because she couldn't be any more nervous. When she spotted the brunette crossing the street, she froze. She wanted to run away, to escape everything and hole up thousands of smiles away, but she couldn't.

"I'm sorry about Raven," she blurted out before Lexa could say anything, "I really didn't want to bother you and I know how busy you are and– are you okay?" Clarke asked when she noticed the shadow of sadness in green eyes and an emotionless face expression. Lexa nodded and reached for the door to open it. "Let's go inside."


	9. Chapter 9

They chose a table at a window in the back and Clarke sat down while Lexa went to get them their coffees. She had been worried about what Lexa wanted to say, but seeing the other woman like  _that_ , her empty eyes, the somewhat cold expression on her face, she was now worried about Lexa in general.

When the brunette came back, carefully setting the cups down onto the table and sitting down without a word, Clarke felt the urge to stand up and pull Lexa into an embrace, and never, ever let her go again. The sight completely broke her heart.

"Clarke, I–"

"I never meant to... make you feel uncomfortable either." Clarke interrupted her and immediately felt sorry for it, but she just had to get everything out. _Now or never._ "To be honest, this whole situation is so fucked up. I'm so sorry about everything. I'm sorry if I gave you the feeling that you have to tell me that nothing is going to happen and I get it, absolutely. I never meant to fall for a married– fuck."

Clarke stopped. Had she just told Lexa she had feelings for her? Strong feelings? She stared into her cup for a long moment, feeling her cheeks develop a dark shade of red.

"I'm not married, Clarke." Lexa said softly and the blonde slowly raised her head in disbelief.

"But you... the ring..." She tried but her thoughts were racing too fast for her to build a useful sentence.

Lexa's lips formed a small smile as she pulled out a necklace from under her shirt, until a thin silver ring appeared. The same as the one she was wearing around her finger.

Clarke, baffled, narrowed her eyes. "I don't understand... your assistant said you're... married?"

"I was." Lexa said calmly. "She died three years ago."

Of all things, Clarke had not seen _that_ coming. She looked at Lexa, her jaw slightly dropped, her brows slightly raised in concern, every single thought wiped out. She did not know what to say and Lexa let her be, giving her time to process what she had just told her.

"I'm sorry, I... had no..." searching for words, she looked at Lexa, slightly narrowed her eyes and then asked, almost whispered, "How?"

"It was an accident. It was Christmas' Eve and she and her brother were on their way back from their parents. Their car got hit, they were dead immediately."

Clarke gulped. She had read about that accident. The investigations had been going on for weeks, the driver of the other car had been drunk but had pleaded not guilty due to the black ice that night, and the judge had acquitted him. She felt the lump in her throat, when the image of the female victim appeared in her mind and she realized that it was the woman she had seen in the photos in Lexa's house, and suddenly, she pictured Lexa breaking down in the basement room. She understood now.

"I'm so sorry..."

Lexa's lips formed a small smile and she shook her head. "Don't be, Clarke. That wasn't my intention. I just wanted to tell you because I... felt like you should know."

When they left the café, they slowly walked in silence, unsure what to say, or if there was any need to say something, at all. Clarke was deep in thoughts, and she felt sorry. She felt like she pressured Lexa into telling her about her past.

It was when their eyes met for a moment, that Clarke stopped walking, gently grabbed the brunette's arm and pulled her into a tender embrace. She did not know how long they were standing like this, it could have been seconds and it could have been hours, until Lexa calmly spoke.

"Clarke..."

"I'm sorry." The blonde whispered and closed her eyes, when she felt Lexa tighten their embrace, and her heart broke, when she heard the soft sob of the other woman, as she buried her face into the blonde's neck.

 

* * *

 

Clarke carefully closed the apartment door and quietly walked to her room. Her thoughts were racing, but at the same time, her mind was empty. She stood in her room for a long moment, until she began to slowly take her jacket off. A decent scent of the brunette's perfume reached her, and she felt Lexa's tears on her scarf. She could still hear the quiet sobbing.

After long moments of softly caressing the brunette's back, Clarke had walked her to her office building. Lexa had, more than once, apologized for her breakdown, and Clarke had, more than once, assured her that it was okay, and that there was nothing to apologize for.

The unexpected moments of intimacy had gotten Clarke into a mood that she did not know how to define. On the one hand, she felt sadness. But there was something else building up inside her, a warmth that made her smile. A thankfulness for the trust that Lexa placed in her. A hope that came from the realization that Lexa had made an important step to accept her past, as Clarke understood the clearing of the basement now. A hope that came from the realization that she would be okay.

 

* * *

 

"Where have you been all morning?" Anya asked, lazily falling onto the black leather couch in Lexa's office.

"I had an... appointment." The brunette answered without looking at her friend. She was trying to figure out why the coffee machine just would not give her the needed coffee.

" _An... appointment_?" Anya mimicked Lexa.

"Yeah."

"I know your appointments, Lex, I make them. You had your morning off. Care to share?"

"Actually," the brunette paused for a moment, almost breaking the machine open, to check whether something was stuck inside or if there was any other reason why the machine wouldn't work, before she continued, "there's nothing to share. I was just busy and now I'm here, ready for another day of– why the fuck won't you work!" She finished, giving the coffee machine a forceful push with the heel of her hand.

Anya's eyes widened. She had never actually heard her friend curse. And, apart from seeing her mauling punchbags, she had never seen her touch anyone or anything in an ungentle way, let alone that roughly.

She shifted into a more upright position and softened her voice. "Costia, right?"


	10. Chapter 10

_Anya shifted into a more upright position and softened her voice. "Costia, right?"_

Lexa froze.

Anya nodded, as if to answer her own question. That's what she assumed. It was the only thing that could scratch at Lexa's calmness, that Anya referred to as _enormous self–control_ from time to time, since Lexa was the only person she knew, that would stay calm in every howsoever nerve–recking situation. This phenomenal patience, Anya thought, was Lexa's strength, and at the same time, it was her weakness.

She got up and walked to her friend. "What happened?" she quietly asked, laying one hand on the brunette's shoulder, inviting her to turn around, which she did.

For a long moment, Lexa stayed silent and then, finally looking at Anya, she spoke.

"I met someone." She said, her lips forming the shadow of a smile, and her friend raised her brows.

"Well that... isn't that a good thing?"

Lexa nodded, and Anya narrowed her eyes, sensing that there was more.

"And I cleaned the basement."

The other woman's jaw dropped. "You what?"

Lexa nodded again. "I cleaned it."

"Why? I mean, why now?"

The brunette hesitated before replying. "Because I... met someone. I– she is... I don't know why or what she did, but I felt like it was time now."

Anya's lips parted in an attempt to say something, but she was absolutely speechless.

"I met her at the event on Friday. Lincoln invited her and I met her outside, and then she–"

"Is there any chance her name is _Clarke_?" Anya put the pieces together and grinned when Lexa raised an eyebrow but didn't say anything.

"I knew it! I told her you were busy but when I said her name aloud, you immediately told me to connect the call." She gently punched the brunette's shoulder. "C'mon Lex, smile for a second! That's actually awesome!"

And Lexa smiled. She had purposefully left out the part where she had told Clarke about Costia, but she did not regret it, since Anya's reaction actually gave her a comforting encouragement. She would not realize it, but it was that morning that she decided that she was ready to move on.

 

* * *

 

"When did O said she'd be here?" Raven asked, slightly annoyed already. She and Clarke had been waiting for Octavia for an hour, before they decided to start cooking. It was the fourth time the woman asked and Clarke had already given up on answering since Octavia hadn't said anything at all.

Just when their dinner was ready, Octavia entered the apartment.

"Octavia Blake! Where have you been? We missed you, it's cooking Thursday and you– oh shit." Clarke started but stopped when their friend appeared in the doorway, her eyes red and swollen. The blonde immediately got up and pulled Octavia into a tight embrace, which sent a new wave of sobbing through the short brunette.

Clarke and Raven knew though that in these situations, it was best to not directly confront Octavia by asking, instead go on with their lives until their friend opened up.

"Okay so..." Clarke began as she pulled away and pointed at the stove. "We have pasta and a stir fry and we weren't sure but we made you a steak, too. Just in case. Want some?"

Octavia snuffled and nodded. "Okay. Hang on I'll get you a plate. Sit down babe." The blonde said and swiftly kissed her friend on the cheek, before she got a plate from a cabinet and prepared it.

They sat in silence during dinner, lazily poking at their food, all previous appetite gone. Raven excused herself when she finished, and disappeared in her room, claiming there was still some work left waiting to get done, so Clarke and Octavia did the dishes.

"He broke up with me." Octavia said after a small while and Clarke sent a sad glance towards her friend.

"What, why? I thought you two were head over heels?"

"I thought so, too." Octavia replied, fighting a new wave of tears. "But apparently he doesn't have time anymore because his bitch of a boss– I mean Lexa, told him to increase his working hours, otherwise she'd fire him or something."

Clarke furrowed her brows. That did not sound like Lexa, at all. But then again, she had never really met _Mrs Woods._ She just knew Lexa.

"I mean why does she... can't he just..." Octavia tried between heavy sobs. Clarke sighed, put down her sponge and led her friend to the couch. "Isn't she... What the fuck is wrong with that slut?!" Octavia whined, but the anger in her voice was obvious and Clarke felt a sting in her heart when she heard the brunette's words.

 

* * *

 

Raven had never been the _drama_ type of person, she liked to stay out of other people's businesses. Clarke was the only exception, since they had gone through the worst times together, but with Octavia, she let Clarke do the talking, and everyone accepted it.

After calming Octavia down, somewhat, Clarke had been sitting on the bed next to her friend, stroking her back, until she fell asleep.

It was past midnight when the blonde went to her room and get ready for bed. As she lay down, she sent a quick glimpse to her phone, considering to send Lexa a text but she decided against it, snuggled into her blankets, ready to fall asleep. She would pay Lexa a visit tomorrow.


	11. Chapter 11

Clarke flicked the cigarette stub away and entered the huge office building. The receptionist, a young and well dressed but slightly overweight man, smiled when the blonde approached him.

"Welcome to Grounders Corporation, how can I help you?"

"Hi! Um, I'm here to see Le– Mrs Woods?"

He smiled. "Do you have an appointment?"

 _Of course not. Why am I so stupid?_ She thought. "I'm afraid not."

"I'm sorry but then there's nothing I can do for you here. Have a–"

"Is there anything else I can... I mean I could call her?"

"Mrs Woods has made it clear that she does not wish to be bothered with unannounced visitors." Clarke could hear the slight change in his voice, as his smile faded. Sighing, she nodded and turned around, ready to leave.

"Clarke?" She heard an unfamiliar voice and let her eyes wander around, unsure if she was meant in the first place. Then she saw a dirty blonde woman approaching her quickly.

"Clarke?" She repeated and Clarke narrowed her eyes but nodded. "I'm Anya. Oak. I answered your call the other day."

"Oh, right."

"You're here to see Lexa, I assume?"

"Actually yeah but Mr... Receptionist told me she doesn't want to be bothered, so I'll just call her later or something."

"Ugh don't mind Toby, he's just doing his job. Follow me." Anya said with a reassuring smile and waved at _Toby._

"It's fine, trust me. Write Clarke..." she turned to Clarke, "what's your last name?"

"Griffin."

Anya nodded and continued, "write Clarke Griffin on the VIP list, okay? Thanks!"

When they arrived on the top floor, Anya led Clarke to Lexa's office and didn't even bother to knock, instead opened the door and stepped inside. Clarke, however, stayed outside, the whole situation felt surreal, especially when she spotted Lexa standing next to her desk, arms behind her back, obviously talking to two of her employees.

"Anya, I'm busy. What's the matter?" Lexa asked and Clarke felt a warmth building up in her stomach at the politeness in the brunette's voice.

"Clarke's here." Anya said and Lexa's look immediately wandered towards the door. When her eye met the blonde's, she smiled and nodded, signifying she'd be free soon.

"Thank you, Anya." The brunette said and a grinning Anya left and closed the door behind her.

"She'll be there for you, soon. Take a seat over there if you want. I'll be somewhere if you need anything." She said, still grinning, and left for the elevator when Clarke nodded.

A few minutes later, Clarke heard voices inside the office coming closer. She was standing at the window and admired the view over the city.

The door opened, "... as promised. Congratulations again, and all the best." Clarke heard Lexa say and turned around, just in time to see her shaking hands with her employees, a pregnant woman and, as Clarke assumed, her boyfriend or husband. She didn't really pay attention, she just couldn't draw her gaze away from the brunette. When the couple left, a smiling Lexa turned towards the blonde.

"Clarke, hey! I'm sorry you had to wait."

Clarke smiled as well and shook her head, "Don't worry about it. I should have made an appointm–"

"Clarke?"

Clarke's jaw dropped. "Lincoln?"

"Clarke!"

"... Lincoln!"

"Ontari." The other woman interfered and lazily raised her hand and waved once, her eyes wandering between Lincoln and Clarke in confusion.

"Clarke, this... is my fiancée, Ontari. Ontari, this is–"

"Yeah I got it." The black haired woman with the cold eyes said, still confused about the surprise in Lincoln's and Clarke's voices after Lincoln had turned around when he had heard Lexa say Clarke's name. "Can we go now? We're already late for brunch." Lincoln nodded and waved Clarke Goodbye.

"... what the actual fuck?"

"Clarke?" Lexa asked politely, motioning for the blonde to enter the office.

"He broke up with Octavia and said that you increased his working hours?" Clarke, still utterly confused, asked and did not move, while Lexa handed her a cup of coffee and sat down on the leather couch.

Not really paying attention to Lexa, she absentmindedly took the cup and repeated herself. "What the actual fuck? … Did you increase his working hours?"

"No, actually I did not." Lexa furrowed her brows.

"This little piece of shit. This prick! This goddamned _motherfucking–_ "

"Clarke." Lexa said softly.

"What!" Clarke was furious.

"Please set the cup down while you gesture around so... vehemently."

Clarke looked at her now half empty cup, and her eyes widened when realizing that she, by waving her hands around, had spilled the hot beverage all over Lexa's cream–colored carpet and froze in shock.

"Oh my God! I am so, _so_ sorry, Lexa!"

Lexa, smiling softly, got up, walked up to Clarke to take the cup out of her hands to set it down on her desk, and then laid her hand on the blonde's back to gently push her towards the couch.

"So that woman, Ontari?" Clarke asked and Lexa, grabbing some paper towels, nodded. "Okay so she's Lincoln's... fiancée?... _Pregnant_ fiancée?" She quickly added and Lexa, now soaking up the coffee, nodded again.

"What a little rat! Octavia was... Yesterday when she came home, she... haaa _GODdamnit_!" Clarke huffed and then softened her voice, "I'm sorry about your carpet."

"Don't worry about it, Clarke. It's just a carpet."

"It looks expensive. I'm sure the cleaning alone will cost my monthly salary."

Lexa laughed, got up and looked around in the room, then walked towards the coffee table in front of the couch and pulled the black rug out from under it, then placed it on the coffee stains and grinned.

"Problem solved."

Clarke couldn't help but laugh. She was still furious about Lincoln but was too exhausted to fret about it. She smiled when Lexa sat down next to her and started caressing her back.

"I'm sorry about your friend, Clarke."

"It's not your fault." Clarke sighed and turned slightly to drop her head on the brunette's shoulder. They sat like this for some long moments, and Clarke felt herself calming down from focusing on Lexa's calm breathing.

Without moving, she spoke. "Don't you have like... work to do? Appointments or something?"

"Not really."

Clarke's brows slightly furrowed. "Not even paperwork? I'm sure as the leader of–" she stopped when she suddenly felt Lexa's lips softly kissing the top of her head.

The brunette slowly breathed in the scent of Clarke's hair before she replied. "Don't worry about it, Clarke. It can wait."

Clarke pulled away in disbelief. She knew that Lexa's schedule was more than busy and she felt bad for stealing so much of the other woman's time.

"No, seriously. If you have to work now, I don't want to... I mean we can just meet later for–"

She was silenced when Lexa cupped her cheeks and pulled her in for a tender kiss. Clarke felt soft lips gently moving against hers, and placed her hand on the brunette's waist to pull her closer, when she felt Lexa softly capture her bottom lip with hers. Her hand slowly wandered up until it rested on the brunette's chest. She brushed her tongue over the woman's bottom lip, who instantly granted her entrance, and curled her fingers, scratching soft skin when she heard the soft moan that escaped Lexa's mouth as their tongues met.

Gathering all self–control she had left, she pulled away, and for a moment, she forgot how to breathe when dark eyes met hers.

"I–" her voice cracked and she cleared her throat. "I should..."

"Yeah." Lexa nodded, unable to draw her gaze away, her cheeks red of arousal.

"Okay, then..." Clarke got up, walked across the room and opened the door. "I'll... see you."

When she left the building, she grabbed the railing for support, afraid that her already weakened knees would fail her. She wanted nothing more to go back and... _finish_ what they had started, but she knew it would be a mistake. She wasn't sure whether Lexa was ready, and if she was being honest, she wanted them to take their time, to start it off slow.


	12. Chapter 12

Clarke's thoughts were still racing, and every time the kiss came back to her mind, her heartbeat sped up. It was late in the evening and Raven and Octavia were out partying. Clarke had not mentioned her encounter with Lincoln earlier, in the end it was not her job to tell Octavia about Lincoln and his fiancée anyway.

She had taken a cold shower when she got home and tried to distract herself with a project of which she could not miss the deadline on Monday, but her attempt failed miserably.

She had been trying to fall asleep for an hour, when she heard her phone buzz.

_**Lexa (11:04pm):** I'm sorry about earlier. I did not mean to freak you out, I should have stopped myself. I would like to make up for it._

_**Clarke (11:06pm):** Are you really?_

_**Lexa (11:06pm):** Am I really what?_

_**Clarke (11:07pm):** Sorry about the kiss?_

Clarke stared at the dots that indicated that Lexa was typing, until they disappeared. After a long moment, she released a breath she did not know she was holding, and was just about to put her phone away, when a new message popped up.

_**Lexa (11:14pm):** No_

_**Clarke (11:15pm):** Good... Me neither. Looking forward to you making up for it ;) Good night Lexa x_

_**Lexa (11:15pm):** Good night, Clarke. x_

 

* * *

 

Clarke was leaning against the window bench, nervously tapping her foot, while Raven and Octavia were lazing around on their couch, Raven with her feet on the coffee table, Octavia cross–legged.

It had been a week since Clarke's kiss with Lexa, which she had told her friends nothing about. Octavia still assumed that she was responsible for her break–up with Lincoln, and Raven... she did not know why she hadn't told Raven. Maybe because they hadn't really talked to each other the whole week since both had been absolutely busy.

Octavia slightly leaned against Raven, "What the fuck is wrong with her?" She mumbled and Raven shrugged.

"Clarke, what the fuck is wrong with you?" Raven asked.

"Nothing!" Clarke exclaimed, a bit too quickly and her friends raised their eyebrows questioningly. "Guys, seriously. It's nothing. Just work stuff."

"Griiifff..." Raven drew the name, playfully annoyed.

"Whaaat..." Clarke mimicked her friend's tone.

"It's not about your woorrkk... stop with that goddamn tapping already and tell us what's going on in the cute little head of yours."

Clarke rolled her eyes but after a moment, she sat down on the floor in front of the couch, and started playing with a fluff.

"Clarkyclaarkee, is this about Lexa?" A grinning Raven wiggled her eyebrows.

Clarke hesitated for a moment, considering whether she should reject the topic, or whether she should actually tell her friends.

"Maybe?"

The girls on the couch immediately sat themselves up and leaned forward in curiosity.

"Ugh... we um..." she tucked in a sharp breath before continuing, "She kissed me."

"No way!" Raven blurted out and she and Octavia, without looking at each other, high fived above their heads. "How, when, where, why?"

"Last Friday. I just went to her office because I– was just around the corner anyway and I spilled my coffee onto her carpet and–"

"I hope this is not some kind of a nasty metaphor." Octavia grimaced.

"Jerk. Well and then I kept apologizing and then she kinda shut me up."

"Well how was it?" Raven asked.

"And why didn't I know something was actually _going on_ between the two of you?" Octavia added. "Do you like her?"

Clarke furrowed a brow and nodded, "Yeah, I guess I do..."

Raven tilted her head. "Do you... love her?"

Clarke remained silent for a long moment, concentrating on the fluff, before she raised her head, her eyes wandering between Octavia's and Raven's.

"I–" she began but stopped.

"Oh my God, Griffs... but she's still _Mrs_ Woods, isn't she?" Raven wondered and Clarke realized she hadn't even told Raven about she basement clearing or the conversation they had in the café the other day.

She slowly shook her head. "Her... no, she's not married anymore, kinda."

"What'you mean _kinda_?"

"I meant she's not married."

Her friends furrowed her brows but left the topic.

"So are you guys a thing now?" Raven asked after a while and Clarke's head shot up.

"I don't know. I haven't talked to her since she... shit, I should talk to her. Oh damn. I have to talk to her!"

And with that, Clarke quickly got up, put on her shoes and her jacket, grabbed her keys, while searching for Lexa's contact in her phone, and yelled a quick _"Bye, guys!"_ through the apartment before she closed the door, leaving her friends utterly confused behind.

 

* * *

 

" _Lexa, hey!"_

" _Clarke?"_

" _Yeah, I was wondering if... what are you doing right now?"_

" _I'm about to finish work, what about you?"_

" _I was wondering if you fancied dinner with me tonight?"_

Lexa stayed silent for a moment but then spoke. _"Of course! I could pick you up in an hour?"_

" _Oh don't worry about that, I'm just in the city anyway... kinda, so 7:30pm at GC?"_

" _Yep"_

 _Did Lexa just say 'Yep'?_ Clarke thought and let out a laugh. _Cute. "Okay see ya later then!"_

 

* * *

 

It took Clarke almost an hour to walk to the office building. When she arrived, she checked her watch, 7:24pm, and lit her cigarette. Halfway through it, Clarke froze when she realized that Lexa did not actually smoke, and that it would probably bother her if Clarke tasted like cigarettes. She puffed out the smoke and was just about to flick the stub away, when she noticed Lexa approaching her. _Oh shit._ She thought when Lexa's eye quickly wandered down to the cigarette but then back up, a soft smile never leaving her lips. _What if she really hates it and now doesnt–_ Lexa leaned forward and left a soft kiss on Clarke's lips. _Oookay, nevermind then._

"Hi", the blonde smiled.

"Hey", Lexa smiled back while tucking a loose strand behind Clarke's ear. "Would you prefer a restaurant?"

"Over what?"

"Over going to my place and cooking together?"

"Well then no, I don't." Clarke grinned and followed Lexa to her car.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _[Ed Sheeran – “Drunk”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q56so7JUc-w) _

 

"How come I– hand me the salt please"

"Can you catch?" Clarke grinned, daring to throw the salt shaker.

"Try me" Lexa winked and easily caught it, turning back to the stove, "How come I feel like there's still so much that I don't know about you?"

"Guess you never asked."

"Guess I didn't want to ask the wrong questions."

"Well... try me." Clarke smirked and winked back at Lexa.

"Tell me about your childhood." The brunette said in a soft voice and Clarke stopped stirring.

"That, for example, would be one of those wrong questions." She sent Lexa a small smile and shook her head, indicating it was okay. "I grew up in a small town, went to school, had a bunch of fake friends but I somehow made it through high school. I always wanted to be a doctor like my mom and I actually started med school but dropped out, moved to the city and started my art career. Apart from the actual painting, I work at a museum. Horribly boring but it pays the rent."

"What about the painting?"

"Still struggling."

Lexa nodded. "What's your mom like?"

"She's... difficult. She just wants what's best for me and I get that. I mean we were cool and all but after my dad died, everything changed." Clarke explained, hoping it would be enough of an answer.

Lexa nodded understandingly. "I'm sorry about your loss."

"I'm sorry about yours, too."

 

* * *

 

After dinner found them in the living room, sitting on the fur in front of the fireplace that Lexa had lit.

"Whoaba– shit."

"Whobaba what?" Lexa laughed.

"Second glass and I'm already tipsy. I meant to ask about the instruments. What about the guitars, do you play them?"

Lexa shook her head. "No, I'm more the percussionist. Do you play?" Clarke nodded. "Yeah I– well my dad taught me but I haven't played in years."

Lexa grinned and got up. "Lexa?" Clarke asked as Lexa disappeared, to come back a moment later, handing Clarke one of the guitars that survived.

"No way."

Lexa tucked her lips into a smile and cocked her head. "Please, Clarke."

"Ugh..." Clarke grabbed the guitar and began to tune it, shaking her head. "Can't believe I'm actually doing this."

She breathed out slowly and plucked the first chords, blushing when she realized what song she had just begun.

_I wanna be drunk when I wake up_  
_On the right side of the wrong bed_  
_And never an excuse I made up_  
_Tell you the truth I hate_  
_What didn't kill me,  
_ _It never made me stronger at all_

Somewhen during the second verse, Clarke closed her eyes. To concentrate on the rhythm, and to not look at Lexa, who had her arms laying lazily crossed on tucked up knees, and Clarke missed the soft tapping of the brunette's thumbs on her upper arms, and she missed the small smile that was forming on the woman's lips, as she dove into the chorus.

_But a house gets cold when you cut the heating_  
_Without you to hold I'll be freezing_  
_Can't rely on my heart to beat it  
_ _'Cause you take parts of it every evening_

She let the last chord fade out and grimaced, slowly opening one eye first, to check whether Lexa was actually still there, or if she had escaped to safe her ears. Lexa was still there. And she was beautiful. Clarke hadn't realized that the fireplace was the only light source before closing her eyes. And now she was looking at the brunette woman in front of her, smiling back at her, with her wavy hair loosely falling over her right shoulder, her eyes reflecting the fire.

For a long moment they simply kept looking at each other, their surroundings long forgotten, until Lexa leaned forward to take the guitar away. As she gently put it down, Clarke used the moment and grabbed the back of the brunette's neck, keeping her from leaning back again, gently pulling her on top of herself.

Lexa carefully positioned herself. She did, however, not close the gap, not before gently brushing a loose strand out of Clarke's face, waiting for the blonde's assuring smile.

Their lips met in a tender kiss, and Clarke immediately felt the familiar warmth build up inside her again. She breathed out heavily as Lexa moved away from her lips to kiss her way over the blonde's jawline and down to her neck. Clarke shivered when she felt Lexa's breath on her skin as she pulled away.

Dark eyes met as Clarke pushed them up into a sitting position. Their movements were quick and Clarke thanked the Gods that she knew how to undo any bra in a swift move because she could no longer control herself.

They fell back onto the fur, crashing their lips together and the hand, that Clarke reached for, moved above Clarke's head, pinning both of the blonde's hands to the floor. Clarke's hips bucked and a moan escaped her throat as Lexa shifted to place her knee where Clarke needed it, offering friction while she brushed her tongue over Clarke's bottom lip, asking for entrance which was instantly granted.

Soft moans mixed with heavy breathing, tongues gently yet forcefully fought over dominance, limbs tangled as bodies, covered in a thin layer of sweat, moved against each other. "Clarke..." Lexa breathed into her ear, "I want to see you." Clarke, gulping down another moan, opened her eyes, and arched her back a moment later, when a last curl of the brunette's fingers sent her over the edge.


	14. Chapter 14

They fell asleep to the sound of crackling fire, closely entangled, sharing one breath.

The next morning, Clarke woke up, slowly opening her eyes, to find herself alone in the living room. At one point, Lexa must have gotten them a blanket which Clarke was now snuggled into. She swiftly checked her phone, a few missed calls from her mom and two " _Where are you? :)"_ messages from Raven.

Hearing quiet footsteps, she turned around and smiled when she saw a freshly showered Lexa approach her.

"Heyy..." the blonde said and sat herself up to receive a soft kiss.

"Good morning" Lexa said softly, wearing a warm smile.

"Oh my God, you smell so good." Clarke laughed and opened her eyes, while Lexa reached behind herself to grab the tray from the coffee table. " _And_ you made breakfast!" The blonde's eyes slightly widened. "Can I like... keep you?"

Lexa let out a small laugh. "I wouldn't mind that." Setting the tray down and handing Clarke a cup of coffee, she continued. "I didn't really know what you like so I just made a bit of everything."

The blonde's smile reached her eyes as she sipped her coffee.

"Can a morning be any more perfect?" She wondered aloud and a smiling Lexa tilted her head, nodding towards the patio door. Clarke's head followed the direction and her eyes widened in surprise, as she saw Lexa's backyard covered in a thick layer of snow.

"Is it real?"

Lexa snorted. "I hope so."

Right before she was about to get up, Clarke realized that she was actually still naked and ponderingly twisted her mouth. Without a word, Lexa reached back and patted around until she found the clothes she had gotten for Clarke as well.

"I swear I'm never letting you go again, like ever." Clarke laughed as she put on the clothes, smiling at the warmth that the hoodie and the sweatpants provided. Pulling her hair into a messy bun, she got up and padded towards the door to look at the winter wonderland she had imagined a while ago, but the picture in her head had done no justice to reality.

She turned around when her phone went off, which Lexa handed her.

" _Mom, hey! Sorry, I was busy, just saw you called me. What's up?"_

" _Clarke?"_

Clarke furrowed her brows when she heard the serious sound of her mother's voice. _"Yeah?"_ Her smile slightly faded.

" _Grandpa passed away."_

Clarke's jaw dropped and she felt tears slowly form in her eyes as her gaze wandered to Lexa, who shifted into a more upright position, ready to get up.

" _What...? When...?"_

" _Last night... the doctor said he died peacefully in his sleep."_

Blinking once released a single tear at which Lexa shot up, ready to give Clarke any kind of comfort she needed.

" _Is he... can I..."_

" _Marcus and I are on our way to say Goodbye, they'll take him away in two hours."_

" _I'll be there then. Can I–"_ the blonde's voice cracked and she cleared her throat, _"Can I bring someone?"_ Her eyes questioningly wandered back to Lexa who immediately nodded, still not knowing what was going on.

"He... he's gone." Clarke said, still in shock, after she hung up and slowly looked at Lexa again, whose eyebrows were knitted in concern, and she buried her face deep into the brunette's neck when the woman gently grabbed the back of her head to pull her into a tender embrace.

 

* * *

 

They drove in silence. Clarke hadn't said much after the phone call, and Lexa hadn't asked. When a quiet sob escaped the blonde, Lexa reached for her hand and gently brushed her thumb over soft skin, but Clarke did not really notice. She kept staring out of the window which left Lexa with a slight feeling of helplessness, but she knew there wasn't much she could do anyway.

When they arrived, Lexa climbed out of the car and opened the passenger door for Clarke, who did not move, except for the tears that were slowly running down her cheeks. The brunette kneeled down and took Clarke's hand.

"I'm here... You're not alone, Clarke, I'm not going anywhere, okay?" She said in a soft voice and gently wiped some tears away which caused the blonde to finally look at her. She snuffled and nodded.

"Sweetie, I'm glad you could make it." Abby pulled her daughter into a tight hug when she opened the door.

Clarke wiped some tears away and nodded, "Me too. Um, mom... this is Lexa."

Abby smiled and reached out for a handshake with the brunette. "My pleasure. I'm sorry we meet under these circumstances."

Lexa's lips formed a small but warm smile. "My deepest condolences, Mrs Griffin."

Abby nodded and led the two women into the house and upstairs, where a small group of family and friends was gathered already. Clarke hugged most of them and introduced Lexa, who was met in a warm response by everyone, and then sat down on the edge of her grandfather's bed. However, she did not say anything. She did not move, she did not cry, she just sat there and looked at the man, who had a peaceful look on his face. After some long minutes, she reached for Lexa's hand and pulled herself up, and slowly laid her arms around the brunette's neck, who pulled her into a soft embrace.

They made their way downstairs and to the kitchen to greet the rest, people whom Clarke did not know too well, since most of them were former workmates of her grandfather.

"Lexa, this is Maya Wallace..." the two women shook hands, "And this is her uncle, Dante." At that, Lexa slightly narrowed her eyes but her smile didn't fade. "This is Lexa, my–"

"Mrs Woods, pleasure to finally meet you in person." Dante Wallace interrupted the blonde.

"Mr. Wallace." Lexa nodded and Clarke and Maya exchanged a confused look about the surprising acquaintanceship.

"The numbers you sent me do not match the requirements and as far as I reckon, I did not see any suggestions to fix this issue." The elder man approached Lexa, who furrowed her brows.

"With all due respect, Mr Wallace, I'm here to support my girlfriend and I do not intend to discuss business matters in a situation like this."

The man raised his eyebrows. "A lazy dyke? You don't want to lead your business? Well then Mrs Woods, I do not see any need to keep a cooperation with your company. Oh, and... as a married woman, you should not mention your flings so openly. Good day, _Mrs_ Woods." And with that, Wallace turned around and left.

Clarke froze. She felt anger build up inside her. Dante Wallace, a man whom she had always admired for his politeness, had just insulted Lexa in the worst way possible, after the brunette had stood up for her, her _girlfriend._

She shook off her shock and turned to Lexa. "I am _so_ sorry. He... you just lost a business partner just because of... _this_ " she gestured around the house to avoid the actual topic, "and... then he–"

She was stopped by Lexa who softly tucked a strand behind the blonde's ear, "Don't worry about it, Clarke."

Clarke sighed, feeling utterly sorry about what had just happened. "But it–"

"Please."

"Okay um... I think we should... go. I'm sorry, I–..." she started but stopped for a second when Lexa opened her mouth to stop her from apologizing, again, so she quickly continued, "I'll just find my mom to say goodbye."


	15. Chapter 15

Clarke's jaw dropped in disbelief as she slowly lowered her hands that were still holding the newspaper that Raven had thrown onto their breakfast table.

"Are they for real?" She exclaimed, feeling the anger boiling uncontrollably inside her. "What the _fuck_ is wrong with people nowadays?!" Her voice was getting louder.

"Why are you yelling like an idiot at such an unholy time?" They turned to the door where Octavia was standing in her pajama, struggling to keep her eyes open. Since Clarke wasn't sure whether she could control herself once she moved, she left it for Raven to silently hand Octavia the newspaper and the other woman's eyes widened as she read the headline aloud.

" _Grounders Corp. CEO's secret love affairs exposed_? What the fuck?!" Octavia slowly sat down on a kitchen chair and continued reading.

" _Alexandria 'Lexa' Woods, chief executive officer of Grounders Corporation, openly admitted her side leap at a private dinner party yesterday..._ Wait, what? A private dinner party? What the hell?... _An insider stated that 27–year–old Woods, who tends to be very reserved about her personal life, did not hesitate to show off her new female lover. But cheating on her spouse was not enough, she further admitted that she does not 'give a damn' about her company. Grounders Corporation recently put enormous effort into the work with Wallace Empire, but anonymous sources confirmed that Woods has blown off the cooperation._ "

Octavia stopped reading and looked at her friends in disbelief. "What the fuck? Weren't you two at your grandfather's house yesterday?"

Clarke nodded. "Yeah and I know exactly who that _Insider_ is."

 

* * *

 

When the blonde arrived at GC, she froze. A huge mass of paps and reporters had gathered in front of the building. _This is not happening,_ she thought. She had come to talk to Lexa and check whether she was okay, but now she couldn't even move. She held her breath when a car pulled up in front of the building, parting the mass, and Lexa, wearing shades and pulling her hood down to shield her face, was guarded towards the entrance, disappearing before Clarke really realized what was happening.

She stood there for a minute or two and then quickly turned around and left.

 

* * *

 

The three friends sat down on their couch, each with a beer in her hand.

"Clarke, care to share?" Raven asked softly.

Clarke remained silent for a long moment before she reluctantly began. "Lexa and I... are in a relationship. The night Grandpa died, we... slept together and the next morning, we went to his house and met Dante who apparently is– was... Lexa's business partner and she said she didn't want to talk about their work because she wanted to  _support her girlfriend,_ so he called her a _lazy dyke_ who cheats on her wife and he... it...", she took a deep breath attempting to calm herself down but it didn't really work, "this whole situation she's in now is my fault. I'm one hundred percent responsible for this mess." She felt tears form in her eyes.

"You know what I don't get?" Octavia said after a while, "She's single, I mean not anymore, but everybody thinks she's cheating on her wife although they're divorced already and stuff."

Clarke closed her eyes. "They didn't divorce."

"Huh?"

"Her wife... died three years ago." Her friends' eyes widened in shock and one could hear a pin drop. Clarke waited for a moment before she continued. "But she chose to not make it public because her private life has nothing to do with her job and her company... And now everyone thinks she's cheating. And that she doesn't care about GC. Dante just made use of her support of me and, being the homophobic bastard that he is, he used his misunderstanding of the situation to completely ruin her life." Tears were now streaming down her cheeks.

Raven and Octavia did the best they could to calm their friend, but Clarke excused herself half an hour later and went to her room. She sighed and snuggled into her blanket.

_**Clarke (3:31pm):** Are you okay? x_

_**Clarke (5:19pm):** I'm sorry. About everything. About the headlines everywhere, about introducing you to Dante, about not being there with you right now, wherever you are. Please tell me if there's anything I can do. I miss you x_

_**Clarke (7:42pm):** I understand if you're mad at me but please let me know if you're okay. x_

_**Clarke (10:23pm):** Lexa...?_

Clarke kept staring at her phone but the screen stayed black. She felt helpless. Although deep down she knew that it was not completely her fault, or maybe not at all, she blamed herself for everything that had happened to Lexa, and was still happening.

She'd spent the time between her messages with checking every social network, and every news website there was, and they all presented similar news. About the _cheating ignorant leader of one of the country's biggest companies._ Not one article stating that the _Insider_ might have overreacted, not one article questioning the _facts_.

Clarke quietly cried herself to sleep.

 

* * *

 

The next morning, she awoke to the nerve–wracking sound of her alarm clock. She felt utterly exhausted since the only dream she'd had, had been one whole terrible nightmare about the previous day's events, about the headlines and the articles. About the death of her grandfather. About the emotionless look on Lexa's face, and Dante Wallace's words that kept repeating themselves over and over again, during her sleep and now that she was awake.

She sighed, switched off her alarm clock and grabbed her phone to check whether Lexa had sent her a message while she was asleep. Lexa indeed had texted her, and Clarke slowly sat herself up while she read the message, and her throat went dry and her heartbeat sped up, while she read it again, and again.

_**Lexa (4:48am):** I think we should stop seeing each other for a while._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *runs away and hides*


	16. Chapter 16

Hours turned into days and days turned into weeks. It had become more and more quiet about Lexa, until, at one point, the news had stopped writing and talking about her.

The first days had been unbearable for the blonde. She had called in sick at her work, and most of the time, she had stayed in bed. It wasn't even because of her own sadness. She had dealt with love sickness before. It was because she felt sorry for Lexa and the helplessness drove her insane. She wanted nothing more than to know if the brunette woman she had fallen so hard for, was okay.

It was one Tuesday, that Raven knocked at Clarke's door and asked her to come to the kitchen immediately.

Clarke froze when she looked at a familiar face, staring back from the TV.

"What... is that?" Clarke asked slowly and Raven sighed. "It's a press conference. It just started, I don't know what's going on either." They turned back to the TV where Lexa closed her eyes for a second and breathed in, ready to start her speech.

" _Ladies and Gentlemen."_ Clarke closed her eyes. The memories came crushing down on her, about the first time she had laid eyes on the brunette, the first time she had heard that soft voice, and her eyes filled with tears at the thought of the last time that she had heard Lexa say the exact same words.

" _I am here today to inform you that I will be leaving Grounders Corporation. Furthermore I would like to reject any accusations about my opinion regarding my father's company. I have, in no way, stated that I do not care about Grounders Corp. It has always been my first priority._

_However, recent concerns and personal reasons necessitate that I vacate my position with immediate effect. I will do whatever necessary to ensure a smooth transition after I move on, I have several persons in mind who I believe would be strong candidates for my position._

_Once again, I am very grateful for all of my colleagues' loyalty and assistance along the way, and I am proud to say that I was a part of Grounders Corporation._

_Thank you."_

Clarke and Raven watched in disbelief, their jaws dropped in shock, and Raven raised the remote to switch the TV off but was stopped when Clarke laid her hand on her arm and slowly spoke. "No... It's a press conference, I want to... hear the questions."

" _Mrs Woods, what will happen about the contracts with Wallace Empire?"_

" _The cooperation has been called off due to company–internal reasons."_

" _Mrs Woods, could we get a statement about the cheating rumors? What did your husband say when he found out about your lesbian lover?"_

Clarke balled her fingers into a fist when she saw the change in the brunette's eyes.

" _Neither have I cheated on my partner, nor am I married."_

Murmurs grew louder in the conference room and Clarke leaned on the table for support.

" _Are you saying that you and your husband divorced because of that other woman?"_ The journalist continued and Clarke's knuckles turned white.

Lexa's manager appeared, ready to safe the brunette from the intrusive asking of disrespectful questions but she whispered something into his ear and he stepped back.

" _I politely ask you to leave my deceased wife out of this."_ A collective gasp escaped the mass and the flurry of camera flashes took over as Lexa calmly got up and left the stage.


	17. Chapter 17

Raven and Octavia had given up comforting their friend, after Clarke had pushed them away several times. She hadn't heard from Lexa in weeks and at one point, she had stopped sending her messages that had all been left unanswered. She had busied herself with tons of projects, worked double shifts at the museum and had started a second job at a café. She did everything to push the thoughts about Lexa away. She wasn't ready to accept the fact that it was over.

She had read that Lexa had made Anya Grounders Corporation's new CEO but apart from that, the brunette had completely disappeared.

"Clarke, why on earth did you start working here? We don't see you anymore, like, at all." Raven whined as Clarke approached her, ready to take her order.

Clarke rolled her eyes. "Can I get you anything, Rae?"

"Coffee, lots of it. Long night, you know?" She grinned and Clarke, keeping a straight face, nodded and disappeared to get Raven's coffee. Her friend's eyes followed her and Raven shook her head; the emotionless look on the blonde's face had not once changed into a smile since the day of the press conference.

 _Shit._ Clarke cursed herself when she burned her fingers at the hot cup. It was a busy morning at the café, her workmate had called in sick and now she was serving twice as many customers. She quickly grabbed Raven's coffee and four more orders, and turned around, quickly making her away around the counter, only to be met with an angry _"Take your time, Miss Slow–Ass, it's not like I'm in a hurry"_ and a few laughters from the waiting line.

Back behind the counter, she didn't bother to look at the impatient man, instead she prepared his _Decaf Latte_ , handed him the change and closed her eyes in relief when he disappeared. She quickly made some notes while greeting the next customer.

"Welcome to Sky Café, what can I get you?"

"Hello Clarke."

Clarke froze.

" _Hey waitress, we've ordered ten minutes ago! Care to do your job?"_ A woman somewhere in the back yelled but Clarke didn't hear it. She slowly raised her head, her voice cold as she spoke, "Lexa."

"I don't want to bother you. I had no idea you work here, I just... A black coffee, please."

Clarke narrowed her eyes but nodded and turned around to prepare the coffee. She impatiently tapped her fingers on the counter next to the machine, feeling the brunette's eyes burn into her back. It was too much. She hadn't seen or heard from the woman in two months, and now she was standing there, in the café, with pale skin and dark circles under her sad eyes. She wanted nothing more than to pull her into a tight hug but at the same time, she hated her. For not calling her, for not letting her know how she was doing, for not letting her stand by her side to help her deal with everything. For leaving her without a single explanation.

She roughly pushed the lit on the cup and slid it over the counter. "Keep it." She hissed when Lexa handed Clarke some money to pay the coffee. Lexa lowered her eyes, nodded, and with a last glance at the blonde, she turned around and left.

" _Waitress, we're–"_

"I'm on my _fucking_ way!" Clarke yelled across the café and got back to work.

 

* * *

 

"You're home early." Octavia said when Clarke entered the apartment.

The blonde shrugged. "Got fired."

"Um... what?"

"Lexa showed up and I freaked out."

"Wait, what? What did she want?"

"A coffee."

"And why did you freak out then?"

"Because she fucking showed up, O."

"Did she want to talk to you?"

"She didn't even know I work there."

"Then... again, why did you freak out? She obviously wasn't there to annoy you, Clarke."

Clarke froze. She hadn't thought about their encounter at all, and she realized that she had completely overreacted. Since Lexa really hadn't known that she worked there, she of course hadn't shown up to _talk_ to her.

"Oh shit."

Octavia nodded. "Yep."

"I shouldn't have freaked out."

"Yep." Octavia nodded again, and waited for a long moment for Clarke to say something, but continued when the blonde remained silent. "Clarke... you should talk to her."

"I can't just talk to her. She left me, O, without any explanation."

"That's why you should talk to her."

"She had enough time to explain shit."

"Clarke... talk to her."

 

* * *

 

She let out a long breath. Without thinking, she had left the apartment but now that she was standing on the porch of Lexa's house, her heart was racing. She had no idea why she was there and what she should say. She wanted to turn around and leave, but before she knew what she was doing, Clarke knocked.

She hadn't had the strength to pay full attention on the woman back in the café and when the door opened, her heart broke at the sight.

"Hey..." a scraggy Lexa said, one hand in the pocket of her jeans that, once fitting perfectly, were now loosely hanging at the brunette's hips. The circles under her eyes were much darker than they had seemed in the café, and her skin looked even paler, now that Lexa had removed her make–up. The ponytail underlined sharp cheekbones.

Since Clarke remained silent, Lexa spoke again. "Would you... like to come in?" The blonde nodded but didn't move. She just could not look away. She wanted to hug Lexa but was afraid she would actually break the emaciated woman in front of her. She was only drawn back to reality when Lexa reached for her hand and softly led her to the living room.

"Can I get you anything? Coffee? Water? Tea maybe?"

Clarke shook her head and sat down on the couch. "Lexa, I..." Clarke began but her voice cracked when she raised her head to look at Lexa, who was still standing in front of her, unhealthily thin and weakened, but still trying to be strong for Clarke.

When tears formed in her eyes, she slowly leaned toward the other woman's hips, buried her face into the brunette's stomach, and when she felt Lexa softly run her fingers through her hair, she let go of her tears.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _  
> **  
> [Ed Sheeran – Tenerife Sea](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cHTEGQbtP1I)  
>  **  
>  _

When night fell, they went upstairs and laid down on the brunette's bed, Lexa tucked them in and softly caressed the other woman's back, her eyes never leaving Clarke's.

"I'm sorry, Clarke."

Clarke stayed silent for a long moment. "Why did you leave?"

"I didn't want anyone to find out who you are, I didn't want them to bother you with questions. I didn't want you to become a part of an issue you had nothing to do with."

Clarke closed her eyes. Anything she had assumed was wrong. Every thought she had was about Lexa rejecting her help. And now Lexa, weakened and broken, inside and out, was telling her that everything she had done, she'd done to protect her.

Lexa gently wiped some fresh tears away as she continued. "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you."

Clarke pulled her closer and buried her face into her neck. "I'm such an idiot. I'm–" she gulped down another sob, "sorry that I left you alone and I'm sorry that I thought you..." she was now sobbing uncontrollably and Lexa tightened their embrace and softly kissed the blonde's forehead.

"It's not your fault, Clarke. None of this was your fault." She said in a calm voice.

"Can you promise me something?"

"Anything, Clarke."

"Never push me away again."

"I promise."

 

* * *

 

_**Raven (7:25am):** where are you? i didn't even realize you left the cafe and O just told me they fired you?! clarke please tell me you're ok_

_**Clarke (7:51am):** I'm okay. I'm with Lexa. I'll call you later, Rae. x_

Clarke put her phone away and turned around, only to find the other side of the bed empty, so she got up, stole one of Lexa's hoodies and padded downstairs, following the scent of fresh coffee. She smiled when she spotted Lexa in the kitchen, making breakfast.

"Morning" she whispered as she slid her arms around the brunette from behind.

"Morning." Clarke could hear the smile in her voice.

"When was the last time you actually ate a good meal like that?" Clarke wondered aloud when she saw Lexa close her eyes for a second at her first bite, and Lexa narrowed her eyes, deep in thoughts.

Clarke stopped chewing. "When was the last time you ate _anything_?"

Lexa hesitated for a moment, "... a while ago?"

"Lexa..."

"I'm eating! Look," she said and took another bite of her toast, "I'm eating." She repeated with a full mouth and Clarke couldn't help but let out a laugh.

"You're actually ridiculous." Lexa playfully narrowed her eyes again, so Clarke quickly added, " _and_ cute! Ridiculously cute. And sweet. And wonderful. And–"

"Shut up and eat your breakfast, I'm so weak I might faint from blushing." Lexa laughed.

 

* * *

 

"What do you want to do now? I mean now that you don't work at GC anymore?"

They were sitting on Lexa's patio, cuddled in warm blankets, looking at the quiet forest that was covered in snow, and Clarke lazily strummed some chords on the guitar.

"I don't know... maybe I'll go back to photography, that's something I was dreaming of doing when I was a kid." She smiled at Clarke and took another sip of her hot chocolate, and Clarke smiled back at her, focusing on her guitar again, and then quietly began to sing.

 _You look so wonderful in your dress_  
_I love your hair like that_  
_The way it falls on the side of your neck  
_ _Down your shoulders and back_

Clarke thought about the first time she met Lexa, with her long wavy hair falling over her right shoulder.

 _We are surrounded by all of these lies_  
_And people who talk too much_  
_You got the kind of look in your eyes  
_ _As if no one knows anything but us_

She was thinking about the time when newspapers published stories about Lexa that led to that one press conference with a public confession about her lost love, and to Lexa leaving her company behind. She was thinking about how Lexa opened the door for her the other day, skinny and tired, but they had forgiven each other and the look in the brunette's eyes were full of love when she gave her the promise to never leave her again.

 _You look so beautiful in this light  
_ _Your silhouette over me_

She was thinking about the first time they made love to each other next to the fireplace.

 _Should this be the last thing I see_  
_I want you to know it's enough for me  
_ _'Cause all that you are is all that I'll ever need_

She turned to look at Lexa, who was looking back at her, wearing that soft, warm smile that Clarke had so deeply fallen in love with from the very first time she had seen it.

 _I'm so in love, so in love  
_ _So in love, so in love_

 

 

_The End._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's a _wrap_ ! Thanks so much for reading this story :)  
>  Come say Hi on [instagram](http://www.instagram.com/clexa_hedas) ! <3


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